Christy & Company

Grace, Thanksgiving, and Joy..and the lessons I am learning

2012-01-19T16:16:00.000-05:00

"One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. This book will change your life. Read it.
While I could end this note now, I don't think it would be blog-worthy. At a time in my life where everything within in me is stretched to outer to the outer limits of sanity, I can be suprisingly sane.
When my heart aches to be with my children more than I am away from them at work, I am oddly content.When the old Christy rises up defiantly and wants to buck submitting to my husband, I have been able to back down peacefully and resist. It has been a process.
Some may not know this, but due to salary changes and uncertainty and debt, frankly, we decided to sell our home last month and move to one half the size ( and half the mortgage) That was a stressful, yet liberating process. It was a decision we made through prayer, council and tears. The kids are happy, and we are only about a mile from where we were in Harrisburg. We hopefully are in a position to figure out how to balance our rental houses and become more debt free. We also got involved in a tax fiasco last year that cost us a small fortune in taxes and that took the wind out of our sails in a big way. But moving is not fun. It's ranked right under death and unemployment, and for good reason. And we have done it three times in 12 months. This last time was divine, however. A big step of humility for us. No hardwoods. Ugly wallpaper.. But a response to a cry for help that I heard clearly from God.
I was at a stop light in Harrisburg before we decided to sell the house and I prayed for direction and peace and clarity.. and I heard God say "Christy, I didn't get you into this mess, but I am going to help you get out of it." Whoa. So a few days later our house went on the market and a few days later it was under contract. ( Can I just say that I have an awesome, wonderful husband who didn't bat an eyelash at my crazy "divine decision"?)
So here we are in a cozy, sweet house after so many moves..and you know the crazy part? This house cost the same amount as our first home many moves ago. The one that I thought wasn't good enough. The house I thought wasn't big enough. And here we are! Oh the lessons I have learned. I wouldn't trade any of it for the place of contentment that I live in now.
Peace when things are good. Peace when things are bad. Gratitude because God is good and life is sweet. And it all came together when a dear friend suggested via text that I read a certain book...
Which brings me to Ann Voskamp's point in "One Thousand Gifts". She was profoundly changed when she started looking for God's blessings in everyday life. She made a list of one thousand blessings and gifts. Some were simple, some elaborate. Listen to what the author says as she realizes the power of eucharisteo ( meaning thanksgiving) in Chapter 2.
"And sitting there before the window, I'm struck, a comet blazing through the empty dark of my life. All those years thinking I was saved and had said yes to my God, but was really living the no. Was it because I had never fully experienced whole of my salvation?
Had never lived out the full expression of my salvation in Christ? Because I wasn't taking everything in my life and returning to Jesus, falling at his feet and thanking him. I sit still, blinded. This is why I sat all those years in church bu my soul holes had never healed. Eucharisteo, the Greek word with the hard meaning and the harder meaning to live- this is the only way from empty to full".
This is just a window into a whole new world of living a life of thanksgiving. I have tried to make my own list, which forces a new way of living. I am looking for the things in life in which I can rejoice. And I am writing them down. Here are a few of mine from last week.
24. My dogs sitting so patiently while I wipe their paws.
25. Getting the kids to bed on time- and having them wake up easily the next morning!
26. Pinwheel spinning on the side of the road in the breeze. Clouds behind it so glorious!
27. Picking up my kids from school on my days off..those two sweaty, dirty little children loaded down with bookbags coming around the corner..they are mine.
All of these are so simple, but they are changing me. Making me content. Content with my little house even thought I sell big houses. Eucharisteo is showing me all the big things in life that I may have missed..because I am looking for them now and celebrating the gifts God gives in this life.
While riding down the road a few days ago, I silently prayed for God to show me things for my "list". It had been an unsettling day. Things weren't going as I had hoped. Yet I needed complete my joy list. My eye caught this sign on the side of the road.

I had to pull over and snap a picture. If I had not been looking for things to be grateful for, I would have missed this. This man, this Sargeant Newman, is the son of Corey's teacher. A man for whose safe return we have been praying for months. He was oversees serving our country. And this sign in a rural southern town says it all. He is home. His mother will sleep well tonight. If I hadn't been praying and waiting and looking I would have missed it! I quickly flip open my notebook and jot down the next gift.
#28 Mrs. Newman's son is home- will send her email to congratulate!

Ann Voskamp says so perfectly, " Prayer without ceasing is only possible in a life of continual thanks. How did I ever think there was another way to enter into His courts but with thanksgiving?

He is so good, and His grace is so sufficient and I am so blessed. Which leads me to my #37
#37 Corey banged his eye, but he let me hold him for a few minutes on the couch.
Stroking his tears, I remembered the chapter of One Thousand Gifts where the author is holding her own little one.
"I wrap a thread of her curls around a finger. I stare into that face conceived in love, reflecting love, and I feel His love fall soft on me. I am child in His arms and His breath falls warm upon my face and what I feel for this daughter He feels for me, and these gifts, all these gifts I keep counting, they are His love gifts and they are slowly waking me up to the tenderest, fiercest Love of all."
Read more about Ann and her book at www.aholyexperience.com

And watch the unrelated video below, which is a song by Kari Jobe called "You are For Me"
I listened to it no less than 15 times in a row in the car, and it could be the soundtrack of all that God is doing in my life.

The song says in similar words...
God will never forsake us in our weaknesses and He is for us! He wants to write upon our hearts a reminder of who He is.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNEdOZO-i98

Grace, thanksgiving and joy to you.

Christy

Take it off!

2011-12-06T23:02:00.001-05:00

Nearing 30 years old is an odd feeling. Not bad-just odd. Passing myself in the mirror is odd. I feel like I am 22, yet the deep wrinkle between my eyebrows and the slightly droopy eye on the left reminds that I am not that girl anymore..and thank goodness in many ways for that! Wiser. More grounded. More likely to feel comfortable in my own skin. Peaceful in the midst of stormy weather...that sort of wise.
Nearing 30 is liberating. The masks of the past aren't fun to wear. They itch and they are uncomfortable and are hard to see through...even more difficult is letting others see through mine clearly. I am slowly taking the mask off. That is a crazy-good feeling. Not being afraid to be real. To show vulnerability, even fear when we need to is okay. To show love when we should, when it hurts, and not even being afraid of what it may cost is okay. It is a good thing to take off this mask of pride and show how badly I am overcompensating..that I am really scared to death.
I can say that because I am nearing 30. I can be me and open up my heart, without being worried about being judged.
My friends are coming to terms with it, too, as we age so oh-so-gracefully. We can laugh together about how life has taken us a million miles away from where we thought we would be at this point. Husbands leave sometimes. Dreams die sometimes. Debt piles up sometimes. Babies don't come sometimes. At 21, life is rosy. 30 is less pink and with a touch of gray and scattered clouds.
I was talking to a sweet sister a few months ago and I saw her begin to take off the mask as she spoke of her longings. I was flattered at first. She said I had it all. Career. Car. Success. As she spoke, she confessed jealousy of my life. I had made something of myself from nothing. She said I had children and she wanted that so badly. The mask was pulling away from her beautiful face. So intently I was listening. Welling up with validation-- wait a minute. I needed to take my mask off too. We sat there in silence and I shared. If you could call sobbing sharing, then, yes..I shared. I told her that things aren't always what they seem. Debt to my eyeballs and thousands of tax dollars owed makes me crazy even though I know God is in control. Guilt for being at work. Heartache trying to balance. My mask was pulling off quite nicely and oh, there it is now- it is off!.I miss my children. The pressure of sales makes my chest ache some nights. I want to be taken care of!
It was a beautiful picture of true sister-hood and what a release- for both of us! How beautiful is humility. He knows our desires. At nearly 30, God is teaching me to not look at someone else's life without compassion.. it is not always cherry bon-bons on the other side of that pretty mask...
Yet in it all, God is still sovereign. What I couldn't see that through my young, bright eyes is getting clearer by the day as I am refined by the Wisdom-giver. May pure intentions and God-given empathy always allow us to be real.. I can only imagine the lessons I will have learned bt 40- but bring it on!

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has wondroursly reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong:By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward-to Jesus. I'm off and running and I am not turning back!" Phililpians 3:12-14 MSG

When my joy is full

2011-12-05T14:30:00.000-05:00

I have been struggling with my first blog post. Actually, I have been struggling with the whole darn blog. What is my theme? I have so many ideas. A real estate blog, a balancing life blog, a mom blog, cutesy outfits I have made blog...you know the ones, right? With a handmade shirt for each season? Yeah, not so much on the last one...I took the joke to far. Home Ec was the only "C" I ever got in school, so needless to say, Target does all the sewing around my house! ( Just for the record, my Home Ec pillow wasn't that bad!)
I digress... Back to the blog and my theme. So I was thinking of things that make me joyful. Jesus Culture. Corey and Avery. Lysa TerKeurst. Selling houses. Christy Nockels. My sister-in-law's cupcakes. My mom. And it hit me! Like a ton of bricks. I am one blessed girl. Divinely blessed. Blessed in ways that are so far from what I deserve. Some would call it grace. I call it adundant grace. My joy was half-full for so long, and now through Jesus' persistent calling, I have found fullness of joy.
How is ths possible, you ask? I wonder myself sometimes. I don't deserve this full joy. The things I have done in my past are dirty, are shameful. I knew better...or at least I knew better in my head, not necessarily in my heart. But maybe that is God's specialty. Taking the things, the people, the situations that seem impossible and turning them around just so He can get the credit, the honor, the glory. And that's just what He has done for me in every way. Life isn't perfect, but oh, is it good!
Corey. That little face. He deals with the majority of the consequences of my divorce from his dad. The every-other-weekend-saga. But he could have quickly been put out of exsistence by a bad choice when I was young and scared and nineteen. But I didn't. Corey is here and he is nine years old and he sits in my lap sometimes. My joy is full.
Avery. A symbol of a second chance. A kindred free spirit who looks at life wide-eyed and graciously. She says funny things. She is sarcastic. She is tenderhearted and beautiful. She is my mine. My joy is full.
My family. A praying mother and a stoic, wise father. Granparents who text me to let me know they are praying for me and are proud of me. My sister-in-law Jami who fell in love with Jesus a few years ago is a shining beam of goodness. God redeemed our relationship and used her to show me that love conquers all. She led me to my church family where I sing on Sundays. Where I look out and see people who genuinely love the Lord and want to love Him more everyday. My joy is full.
My friends. So many. From different areas of my life. Friends who pray with me. Friends who don't care if I am bossy. Old ones and new alike. The captivate me and keep me humble. My joy is full.
My Jesus. He went out looking for that bad sheep and He found her. He brought me back. I will spend my days washing His feet with my tears like the immoral woman of His day. I feel her gratitude in that story when I read it. I see the way it could have turned out for me. But it didn't. And old washed out woman, I could have been. A mean, hardened, drug-addicted, chain-smoking, sad woman who knew Jesus from years of Christian school, but never knew what it meant to know Him. But I do now. And I chuckle now when I think about a few years ago when I got to a point where I knew I needed something. Something and Someone more. And when I got that taste of His love, I wanted more. And I still do. Can you feel what the Psalmist felt when he wrote, "My heart bursts its banks,spilling beauty and goodness, I pour it out in a poem to the King!" My joy is full in Him- it is the only way.
So I guess that is what I will blog about. On good days. On bad days. And on those "blah" days.My journey through life and all the places I have yet to go. The mountaintops of good times and the valleys of hard places. I hope you will go with me.

Happy Blogging

2011-11-30T10:24:00.001-05:00

Happy blogging, Christy! I hope you enjoy your new design. It was a pleasure working with you on a new look for your blog!

Faith